31st December 2020

And tomorrow is just another day. Spending our anniversary separated by closed borders and alone as has been every day since March 15… 2021 doesn’t appear much brighter from here. Sorry, I know everyone is trying to find hope that the new year will bring better things than this year… some of us are not feeling it.

I miss my partner… my dogs… my life. Please do not think you know what is going on based on FB or Insta images. It is a facade.

Each day brings another day facing the challenges of living in a different country to my partner. With no vision of being together any time soon. It is f@*king hard…

My favourite time of day are those few seconds when I wake up before I realise it is just another day the same as yesterday.

One year ago, exactly, we were about to be married. After a lifetime (and more) together it was agreed and the papers signed in front of friends and family. 2020 brought with it plans to return to Sabah together and reconnect and rebuild our life there.

2021? Hopes of being reunited at some stage somewhere.

With no hope, and now now plan, to return to the country where we are both citizens… because it is next to impossible unless you have around $20000 over to spend… we wait. We wait with the 40000 over other Australian citizens and permanent residents hoping to be reunited sometime… some day… somewhere.

I will not return to a country that abandoned me totally. There is no way to describe how this year has been.. for me… for my partner… for the 40000 over other Australians abandoned by their country. The one place that was meant to be home, was meant to be safe, was meant to protect us.

I am left angry, hurt, and broken. I will rebuilt and recover but I will not and cannot live in country with a Govt that behaves the way the Aust govt has this year. The lies and misinformation has made us out casts and turned Aussies against Aussies.

I hope everyone can find some calm in this storm and find a way to connect with those you love. If you are in the same location gives hugs .. if you are not then please talk and connect however you can.

Be safe.

Published by sandijames

Graduate researcher at La Trobe Uni Australia, ethnography, traditional alcohol, Kadazandusun Sabah Malaysia,, alcohol policy, public health and medical anthropology. We also have established a Mindfulness Based Circus Arts pilot program in a rural school in Sabah. I also run ultramarathons in my spare time. My other research interests include injecting drug use, the war on drugs that is killing PWUD, and the decriminalisation or legalisation of drugs that are currently classed as illicit. I like to keep active and busy..

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